@TuSoonShakur: Champagne lovers are bubblyophiles
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@KeetPotato: [my dog lays down on my date's lap instead of mine] date: "i had a good time tonight" me: "i think you need to leave"
@AsphaltFarmboy: My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said "WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."
@nbadag: *at the pond* "hon—there's something i need to ask you" *emotional* yes? *blows duck call* *ducks on water arrange to spell out 'TACOS?'*