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Snapes On A Plane
@TheBoydP: There are two types of people in the world, those who sweat when eating spicy food and those whose nose drips when eating spicy food.
@duplicitron: Sometimes a family is walking towards you taking up the entire sidewalk and you have no choice but to just become part of that family.
@doooiiiit: I keep my wine glasses on the top shelf to make sure I stretch daily.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor?
Me: Now I’m live tweeting “The Walking Dead.”
Me: Everything isn’t about you.
@MacAnnabella: I don't want to hear about any moonlit romantic walks on the beach...unless there's a clown with a wooden club chasing you.