@Sassafrantz: Changed Grandma's email signature to "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!"
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@KeetPotato: co-pilot: "ask in a way that won't panic everyone" pilot: "ok" [via intercom] "is there a fireman on the plane?"
@ipalatsky: Old superstition: When wife laughs at your jokes: It means you have guests in the house.
@VerifiedDrunk: Getting marriage advice from a priest is like taking your lawn mower to Burger King to get repaired.