@Sassafrantz: Changed Grandma's email signature to "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!"
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@squirrel74wkgn: Friend: How many girls did you date before you met your wife? Me: That was so long ago. Who really rememb- Wife: Thirty-seven
@iDontWannaBeYhu: Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Breaking: It's snowing where some people live and not snowing where other people live. More about this in 10 minutes on Facebook News.