@mattZillaaaa: *changes voicemail recording to "your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again
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@sportswithjohn: Commentator just said that the rain "may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation," which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: My interior decorator quit on her first day on the job. I told her to paint all the walls in my house to be green screens.