@Sarcasticsapien: Charles Manson not only got a woman while in prison, but a woman that only wanted him for his body. Screw Tinder, I'm going to prison.
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@215potter: To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.
@InternetHippo: [i get a phone call] "Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews "This is the police"
@ojedge: Lambs: "BAAAAAAAAA!!!" Hannibal Lecter: "Shhhhhh!" Lambs: "Baaaa!" Hannibal Lecter: "Shhhh…" Lambs: "…" Hannibal Lecter: "Much better."