@weinerdog4life: *chases cat around the house with a lint roller
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@joci2203: All I'm saying is there's no coincidence that Superheroes come in all forms and so does cheese.
@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.
@Reverend_Scott: Ugh. "What's wrong honey?" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*
@blopt: My parents are middle aged. "Mine are to-" [parents burst through bedroom door on horses] "CHILD! DOST THOU DESIRE NOURISHMENT?"