@gylertagan: [Chasing a man out of the bathroom with a pube] Sir you dropped this!
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@TheBoydP: Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.
@charliedelta7: My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed.