@ArrogantBB8: *cheats at bowling by rolling into the pins*
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@AbbyHasIssues: An old guy at the gym told me I looked like his late wife. I'm hoping he meant while she was alive.
@U_Want_Shum_M8: Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery
@paulrobalino: Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn't mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae
@Diversion50: [supermarket] *Unpacks 60 items of groceries onto checkout area* CHECKOUT GIRL: I have a boyfriend. ME: Oh, OK. *slowly repacks trolley*