@JosesLovesYou: check if your cocaine is good, mix in vinegar. If it makes a volcano, its baking soda. If not, your drugs is ruined. Drugs are always bad.
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@rikpayne: Tweeting and grocery shopping don't mix. I've been down every aisle and just realized all I have in my cart is a cabbage and someone's baby.
@somewhatalady: "Everyone says they're voting for Clinton or Trump, but I'm voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus."
@QwertyJones3: TIME TRAVELER: I'm here from the future ME: Really? Who wins the election? TT: Omg it's such a disgrace ME: You need to be more specific
@rolldiggity: 1. Put "Out of Order" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, "Stairs can't be out of order!" and uses them. 3. Release the bees.