@JosesLovesYou: check if your cocaine is good, mix in vinegar. If it makes a volcano, its baking soda. If not, your drugs is ruined. Drugs are always bad.
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@CarolinaSong: I'll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I'm trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
@SamuelHLowe: -Why didn't you answer your home phone? -Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me? -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT