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@Contwixt: Check out this list number 5 is awesome.
@Thynebear: [on the phone with wife]
Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin?
"Tell me why."
[winks at tattoo artist] No reason.
@fillthevacuum: I put the p in pants.
@causticbob: I've written a book called, 'How Not To Get Conned Out Of Your Money'.
It's available in all good bookshops priced £149.99.
@pakalupapito: why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here
@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.