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@ndiquote: [Checks for abs]
Abs : I have a boyfriend
@freypalm: Me: [to cat] HEY! GET YOUR PAW OUTTA THAT FISH TANK, MISTER.
Fish: [holding the cat’s paw] Ignore him—he’ll never understand love.
@JimmerThatisAll: Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature?
Me: Well, I've spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness.
@Kirangandhi: I am learning from my mistake now. My son taught me maths today
@trevso_electric: "Aww. You guys... And it's not even my real birthday! #flattered ."
@JasonBerlin: Every man was once a man trapped in a woman's body.