@aLunchBox: Ignorant person: "You're Canadian. You live in igloos, right?" Me: "You're American. You live in McDonalds', Right?

@krisv_723: Carol learned a hard lesson the day she forgot the word berry when googling blueberry waffle recipes.

@okay_andi: Make sure to make eye contact with the hottest person in the room as you stuff a burrito into your mouth

@DiscoFruit: but was it fire...?

@fro_vo: [cemetery] *priest says a final prayer* *harambe's casket is lowered into the ground* *toddler falls in*