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@ShockTartBionic: Cheer up you won't be single forever. One day you'll die
@envydatropic: I accidentally pushed 2 for Spanish and the operator spoke perfect, fluent English
@KenJennings: Landlocked countries with beach volleyball teams: who do you think you're fooling?
@voldemortsbicep: Him: I like meatier girls.
Me: I killed the dinosaurs.
@FaisalAdam_: Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy.
@ChrChristensen: "Do you believe in evolution?"
"Then what makes The West superior?