@ShockTartBionic: Cheer up you won't be single forever. One day you'll die
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@WheelTod: On your first day at the beach, go up to the toughest-looking guy there, and let the air out of his water-wings.
@Traceylei2: Tried to get my 7 year old cousin to play Hungry Hungry Hippos but the fences at the zoo are really high.
@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
@JakeAupperle: Cashier: Cute kid, how old? Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What's my total? Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes. #cashierlife