@joeheenan: Cheers Twitter.
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@Adar79Angie: I let friend's kid call my ex & say "Are you really my daddy?" while I'm in the background yelling "hang up the phone,he doesn't want you!"
@naderdagher: If he pauses a video game to text you, he's probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'.