@donni: Cheese is plural because you never eat just one chee
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@jokesforsmokes: "I have a bloody nose" - a British person emphasizing the fact that he has a nose.
@dulcetry: [Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS
@AbrasiveGhost: [Wife watching news]: The tuxedo store was robbed. Know anything about that? Me in super frilly tux: Nope *Dog walks in also wearing tux*