@donni: Cheese is plural because you never eat just one chee
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@metafroth: If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
@Nachos0verHoes: How can my mum hear me whisper something under my breath but can't hear me shout YEAHHHH from my room when she screams my name 10 times
@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"
@FeverFlave: *sticks a pencil in your ear and manually rewinds you back before you opened your mouth*