@anylaurie16: Chelsea Clinton charges $65,000 for a 10 minute speech. How many times has her husband said, "Honey, I can’t afford to hear about your day.”
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@Ginlicker: Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!
@WilliamAder: I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.