@anylaurie16: Chelsea Clinton charges $65,000 for a 10 minute speech. How many times has her husband said, "Honey, I can’t afford to hear about your day.”
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@ch000ch: [drops a pinch of fish food into fish tank] ME: here ya go little buddies FISH: oh wow pukey shit flakes again, thanks man
@PaperWash: [stranded on Mars journal] day 1: rob and I have enough oatmeal to last us 300 days day 2: I ate rob
@robfee: I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.