@fizzlestothetop: Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea. If you add commas.
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@FattMernandez: For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell "Oh God! She was pregnant!"
@_troyjohnson: Children grow an average of 2.5 inches a year. All of that growth happens in the 24 hours after you buy them new clothes.
@hazelmotes1: Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance."
@Dutch_50: Pretty certain the day I die my body will be found tangled in Saran Wrap with an untouched sandwich on the counter.