@fizzlestothetop: Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea. If you add commas.
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@NurseMurderer: I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don't feed me and I'll kill everyone.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I stopped going to the beach because people kept mistaking me for a corpse and poking me with sticks
@internetluke: [cops showing wife my body] "Why is he 50m from where he got shot?" "Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"