@Hormonella: Chihuahua is my favorite pet that is also the sound I make during a bikini wax.
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@Sickayduh: "Ma'am, you had twins. They are fine and your boyfriend Chad named them" - Oh no "This is Debra" - aww I like that "And this is Depanties"
@drinksmcgee: My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds.
@TheCiscoKidder: Every video my wife has taken with her phone has me in it saying, "Are you taking a video?"