@Erik_Bergstrom: Children are our future. Clean burning. Renewable. Children.
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@awkwardphilippe: That awkward moment when your date says she has a hair piece but later you find out she was saying herpes.
@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@Mehrwane: Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
@eric10F: Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair