@jedfudally: childrens alphabet books are the only thing keeping us from forgetting what a xylophone is
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@Jake_Vig: THEM: Let's head down to Paradise City. I heard the girls are really hot there. ME: What's the grass situation?
@Swishergirl24: Officer: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pass Officer: have you been drinking? Me: pass Officer: You can't just keep.. Me: pass
@Dr_awfulpants: [Doctor office] -How are you feeling? -Not good. -Any side effects from the medication? *cries tears of fire* -Now that you mention it...
@LuvPug: I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen