@KeetPotato: "chill before serving" is the best advice I can think of if you're an angry waitress
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@drwgmawr: Sneezed while doing sign language and accidentally threw up a gang sign. 17 drug lords are chasing me down the street. Send help.
@ibid78: After I undress you with my eyes I redress you with my eyes because it's still January so it's super cold out and I have considerate eyes.
@shegotagronk: You're so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don't you.
@SmithWit: He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.