@Marlinaire: Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
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@dafloydsta: [date] HER: So do you like Star Wars? ME: Oh yeah HER: Who's your favorite character? ME: *nervously looking at smudged notes* Yoga
@CountGripsnatch: *maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*
@citizenkawala: My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.
@Poutymcgee: I'm not the kind of girl to get mad and throw a drink in your face....that's wasteful. I'd drink it first and then glass you.