@OneFunnyMummy: Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can't hear your children anymore.
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@primawesome: Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.
@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.
@SadMeterologist: Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.