@JasonLastname: Chivalry isn't dead. He's just sleeping. Right, chivalry? CHIVALRY!?
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@C_J_Commode: There is simply no need to add "NSFW" in your bio. This is twitter. None of us have jobs.
@apok842: It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.
@HomeProbably: I've just text my new girlfriend that I'm into all sorts of douchebaggery. Autocorrect clearly has a different idea on what debauchery is.
@SteveSuckington: [1st time on phone with a girl] I've got butterflies in my stomach It's so cute that you're nervous [eating 2nd bowl of butterflies] huh?