@JasonLastname: "Chivalry isn't dead," I say, watching one zombie hold the door open for another.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LoveNLunchmeat: If you don't count the six chocolate chip cookies or the two dead bodies, my diet's going pretty well today.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out.
@JPHaddadio: When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.
@ComedicBust: I always walk into Target with a pissed off look on my face. These people don't need to know I'm here to buy waterfall scented candles.