@Laser_Cat: Chocolate fountains are so 20th century. This is the future. At my wedding we're having a burrito fountain.
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@anbrll00: Dr: Your Mom is like regular moms except we lost her in surgery. Me: Did you just use a joke format to tell me my mom died Dr: yep
@frankzulla: What pharmaceutical advertisements love most: Slow motion Flowery meadows Horrifying side effects Old people sex White people making dinner
@AbbyHasIssues: I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket, so it looks like someone is buying name brand aluminum foil this week.