@evanrhorne: "Chocolate is so yummy it'd probably taste good on mothballs." - inventor of Whopper Candies.
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@BromanConsul: My brother goes to "Peninsula High." When the class of 2015 got senior shirts made, no one decided to regulate them.
@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."
@JayElem00: Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Man, it was cold last night! Me: I had my heat on. CW: I meant outside. Me: I don't live outside. CW...