@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
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@ThisOneSayz: Auto correct changed "absence" to "absinthe" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA.
@QueefTornado: Watching a birth is beautiful. Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" will get you arrested.
@TennisShoeBoi: On my last flight I watched a woman in front of me pull out her hair and eat it until I fell asleep. Can't do that in first class.
@FormerGrunt: My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.