@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
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@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO
@ericsshadow: My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
@EndhooS: [Calls boss] I'm gonna be late... "How late?" *Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you...