@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
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@UberFacts: A mentally ill man shot himself in the head as a suicide attempt. The bullet cured his disorder and he became a straight-A college student.
@BassoonJokes: RIP that guy in the audience of the eric clapton unplugged session whose head literally exploded when he realized the song was "layla"
@KalvinMacleod: HER: it’s pretty sad when people are incapable of moving beyond small talk ME: do you like things?
@bobvulfov: TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade