@thenatewolf: *Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@causticbob: At a job interview "What are your strengths?" "I'm an optimist and a positive thinker" "Can you give me an example?" "Yes, when do I start?"
@Parkerlawyer: Broke my make-up mirror this morning. I thought people would say 7 yrs of bad luck but mostly it's been, "Your eyeliner is really crooked."
@girl_a_whirl: [Exorcism] Priest: What is your name? Demon: Jim Wife: Jim who owes us $100 or hot Jim? Demon: Nice legs Carol Wife: Let's keep him. Next...
@pleatedjeans: [unzips fannypack filled with jellybeans and some fall out] Dammit [bends over to pick them up and the rest spill out] DAMMIT