@thenatewolf: *Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*
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@dougbies: I like long, romantic walks away from women that try catching the bouquet at weddings
@KKAlThani: Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song.
@badbanana: Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.
@BuckyIsotope: Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT