@pharmasean: Chris Pratt is my favorite actor whose name sounds like if a rodent fell in the McDonald's deep fryer
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@AlexRogaski: *lifts 10 pound weight* Nice. *adds "salmon" to list of animals I could protect a woman from*
@SenatorBigfoot: "How's Mason doing?" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. "Don't you mean emo kid?" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish.
@biggsmoke814: Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming.
@Sarcasticsapien: Cinderella is my favorite story about women who fight over a man who doesn't even remember what a woman he spent the night with looks like.