@Sickayduh: Christian epileptics don't appreciate when you tell them "Jesus is the reason for the seizin"
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@mattytalks: I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
@flashember: [Giraffe Weatherman] "Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.