@Cryptoterra: Christian politicians hate science because they think it's always talking about two Adams bonding
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@murrman5: "Behold, a 3 headed cat" "um, its just 3 cats taped together" "Behold, a 12 legg...*tape rips, one cat runs away*..errr 8 legged cat."
@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.
@SamDeLanche: 7: Dad, why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check? Me: I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 15th.
@Parentpains: If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on.