@better_off_dad: *looks up at lightbulb
‘Stupid moth’
*looks back at phone
@VN_Ruben: apparently, Twilight is "so popular" because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah, I remember that time when I was a vampire.
@thatUPSdude: I don't mind your bad kids running around if you don't mind me tripping them.
@liv_thatsme: “Any plans this weekend?”
Me: Just some baby seal clubbing.
“YOU’RE A MONSTER!”
Me: (later that night, having a warm cocoa with some conservationists at the Baby Seal Club) I don’t know why everyone at work hates me.
@daemonic3: I'm playing chess against my gardener. Your move, Jesus.
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