@ChaoticBeny: Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #Christmas
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@ObscureGent: What kind of educational background do you need to have to work at the gas station that directs teens to their deaths in a horror movie?
@daemonic3: Why you on this flight to LA? "I'm shooting a pilot for a new TV series" What's it called? "So you think you can emergency land a plane?"
@TrainedHedonist: Sometimes I feel driving over Beliebers, but then I'm like, "what is wrong with me??" because I just got my car washed.
@AlottaInfo: And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the earth round... and laughed...