@jonnysun: *christopre walken givig tour of apt* this is my.. walken closet. and these boots. these boots were made.. *long unecesary pause* for walken
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@gabeserra: Power's been out for 40 minutes and the kids are asking why I haven't put new batteries in the house yet...
@KeetPotato: if you walk up to a british policeman and play the benny hill music he legally has to chase you until you turn it off
@dave_cactus: [sign outside butcher shop: POLISH SAUSAGES - ASK US] ME: Yes, I'm here about the sausage polishing job?
@Donna_McCoy: Stopping to get donuts for the office only works as an excuse for being late if the box isn't empty.