@iAmSuzieA: Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
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@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
@jonnysun: a•c•q•u•a•i•n•t•a•n•c•e•s (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years
@daveexplosm: Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We're 21st-century cavemen.
@wolfpupy: heres my To Do List - become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists