@U_Want_Shum_M8: Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery
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@LackOfShame: H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am.
@squirrel74wkgn: [cat mom giving birth] Cat dad: Aw, a healthy kit- WHAT THE, twins! OMG triplets...holy shit, 4? (sweating)...5? WTF IS HAP- 6 *faints*
@HelmdawgE: Relationship status: Putting aloe on the wall and rubbing against it to apply in places that I can't reach.