@U_Want_Shum_M8: Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery
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@TragicAllyHere: My Kid: Are dinosaurs real? Me: yes but they died Kid: why did you kill them? M: I didn't! Kid: did you forget to water them like our plants
@rickolantern: Me: Was this product tested on animals? Clerk: Yes. Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!! Clerk: Sir, that's a dog leash.
@Leemanish: There's this guy at work who's always putting on a sweatshirt. No one's ever seen his face.