@chuck_facts: Chuck Norris tries this at home.
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@wittwitbarista: I hate it when cops pull you over to give you pop quizzes like "do you know how fast you were going?"Or "is that a raccoon smoking a joint?"
@sageboggs: are those elderberries? [camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: I dreamed about you last night PIZZA DELIVERY GUY: please just sign your receipt so I can leave, sir