@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: Church is the worst book club ever. We've been talking about the same book for 2,000 years and most of us still haven't even read it
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@bazecraze: Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.
@KalvinMacleod: [date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it’s not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*
@shatterpants: Sitting in traffic wishing I had a Sasquatch to lean out of the passenger window and make police car noises.