@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: Church is the worst book club ever. We've been talking about the same book for 2,000 years and most of us still haven't even read it
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@Jamie1947: *talking into the phone, loudly enough that I know those ladies can hear me* WHATS THAT? MY SPACESHIP IS READY? GREAT, THANKS BARACK. OBAMA.
@Matt_the_1st: 911,What's your emergency? Me: I think it's a heart attack 911: Can you call back when you're sure, we're watching Walking Dead
@Megatronic13: I can’t believe we live in a world where people actually pay money to run in a race. Pay me $50 and I’ll make your life a living hell for an afternoon without the cardio.