@JosesLovesYou: Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish.
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@RitleySammich: I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by hacking into State Farm's main server and deleting the 4 DUIs.
@SonOfCha: Imagine if you killed a shark then got reincarnated as a shark but the shark you killed was really popular & all the sharks knew it was you.
@NicCageMatch: The rats outside my apartment building are getting very bold. One of them just asked me for my number.