@markhoppus: Cinderella, but the Prince is searching for the maiden who matches the glass thigh gap.
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@jwoodham: We all deserve friends like the Backstreet Boys. If you ask "am I sexuaaaal?" and don't get a "yeeeeeeah!" in response, you need a new crew.
@moose_chocolate: "Sobbing" autocorrected to "throbbing" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction.
@david8hughes: Me: ugh. The radio these days is full of bad news. Burglary over there, stabbing over here. Just turn it off please Arresting officer: no
@bholejuice: When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don't like, I just say "oh yeah, that's where that really cute girl works". Problem solved.