@DaddyJew: Me: I'll have some cold water Clerk: sorry all we have is warm water Me: yall got ice? Clerk: yea Me: Clerk: Me: I have a crazy idea

@Kaylezor: On the Wikipedia page for List of Serial Killers by Number of Victims it says "This page is incomplete. You can help by expanding it." Omg.

@InkedUpKidder: Only 5 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week..

@MrSpoonicorn: *Gandalf rollerblades into the club* "YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE-- *slips on a drink & lands flat on face* "SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE

@geekmaude: I have a new alter ego named Princess of Optimism. You may call me Poo.