@Marlebean: Sometimes I look at my children and think "What did I do to deserve this?" And other times I think "What did I do to deserve this?"

@JosesLovesYou: Me: come here often? Her: THIS IS MY BEDROOM IM CALLING THE COPS

@ag_loco: Dear Canadians, Who's the cutest little nation? You are! Yes you are! *pinches cheeks*

@SoulYodeler: I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me; mistakenly as it were because I have the nerves of a guinea pig and puke when I cry.

@Reverend_Scott: [funeral] He looks so natural. Ya, but he looks a little stiff. *raises from the dead* "That's what... *gargle* ...she said." *dies again*