@omgthatspunny: Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
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@goldengateblond: You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list.
@Jake_Vig: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets.
@QwertyJones3: If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
@rickkondell: It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train.