@omgthatspunny: Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
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@ilovepie84: I always get "never shake a baby" and "cats always land on their feet" mixed up. Anyways I need a lawyer.
@LizHackett: ME: Why can’t I sleep? CUP OF COFFEE FROM 4 PM: I’ve put together a list of everyone who might be mad at you.
@Smethanie: My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals.
@caseytduncan: Ooop, you spit-talked on me. I'm just gonna pretend nothing happened and freak out inside my mind.