@fro_vo: CITY PLANNER: what should we call the paved path next to the street
CRAB: i have an idea
@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: You're gorgeous
Her: OMG that is so sweet, c'mere *I walk right past her & start french kissing her collection of scented candles*
@howe007: Doctor: tell me everything you told the nurse 5 minutes ago.
@ArfMeasures: Her: Have you sold anything since you became a writer?
Me *stares around my empty house* everything
@Lunatic_times: Twitter is the witness protection program from family on Facebook.