@OhNoSheTwitnt: CIVIL WAR SPOILER: A lot of people in the South still don't know they lost.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: I can't cook because, I "believe" I can't cook. And you want to know what makes me believe that? Me: The arrival of the paramedics?
@PeterKlesken: Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
@lwhit_the_boss: If Jay-Z is married to Beyonce and is a multimillionaire and still has 99 problems then there ain't no hope for the rest of us