@conanobrienswyf: Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.
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@SteveToyne: 'I'm Spartacus' 'No I'm Spartacus' 'I am Spartacus' 'I AM Spartacus' 'I'm Spartacus' 'Look I just need someone to sign for the package'
@supertweetjen: The guy two cubes down wears vests, curls his mustache, and never says a word. I always smile politely because maybe he'll spare my life.
@Elizasoul80: [trial] Judge: how do you plead? "not guilty" J: but you've admitted to dropping an anvil on him. "he asked me to make him a pancake"