@Home_Halfway: *Claps along at an opera*
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@TheBoydP: “Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable…” ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out
@JessObsess: Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me.
@preritpathak: *At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes "No, I'm good" & "No, I'm just looking"* Me:"No, I'm just good looking"