@junejuly12: Cleaning out my handbag. Wondering if nine pens are enough.
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@AndyAsAdjective: 7YR OLD: dad, when Bruno Mars sings "so many pretty girls around me & they waking up the rocket," what's he mean? ME: he's a NASA scientist
@Fred_Delicious: "Hey Barack" "yes Joe?" "I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies" "Ok Joe" "Because they had..." "Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"
@Smug_Lemur: Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.