@ThisOneSayz: Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon.
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@SatansTongue: *puts little Santa hat on cat* Hahaha Santa claws *puts little Santa hat on dog* Hahaha Santa paws
@spies_please: CHASE: Hi we are calling to check for fraud you spent $40 at 7/11 ME: Yea CHASE: Then you went to Taco Bell at 3am ME: Are these questions
@evanrhorne: I quit my job today!! The money from that Nigerian king arrives tomorrow, I'm so excited.
@UNTRESOR: I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.